glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
