I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
This is the prime rib incident all over again
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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