who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
