i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So squirting runs in the family.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
