i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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