Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
