My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
