my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize