I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
