Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Randomize
