I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
