I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize