Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
