so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
