even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
