i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
