i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
