I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
