what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Randomize
