I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
