fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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