Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
