I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
