I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
