she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
