I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
