no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
