if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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