All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
