Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
