I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
