Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
