If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize