maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
