Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think people are normalizing furries
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