we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
