shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
