when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Houston, we have a blender
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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