I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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