I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
