I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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