ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
