you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
