I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
