OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He shit in the fireplace
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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