My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
