so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm jealous of your bromance
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
