He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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