i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
