Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
