wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
