They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Sext me about skeletons
I would ride that face into the sunset
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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