he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
