Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
