i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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