Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
