I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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