I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
