Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize