You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
