I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
