Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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