yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
