Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
