i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
