Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I could make wine with my vomit
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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