I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
