Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
