i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
