yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
