I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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