She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
