Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
