You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
my being single is dangerous.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
