May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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