i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
