im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize