Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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