I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
