so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
