Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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