I hate your face
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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