Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
