Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
